Anthropic files For IPO before anyone figures out how the maths works

SAN FRANCISCO — Anthropic confidentially filed for a U.S. public offering Monday which analysts have described as an attempt to reach Wall Street before investors think too hard about how it’s ever going to make a profit.

The filing arrives four days after the AI firm closed a round valuing it at $965 billion, a figure executives reached by counting the future very confidently. The valuation narrowly edges out rival OpenAI, who are reportedly annoyed they didn’t think of doing it first.

In its announcement, Anthropic deployed the kind of language that has historically preceded both fortunes and bankruptcies. “The proposed initial public offering will depend on market conditions and other factors,” the company said, declining to name the factors, define the conditions, or rule out that one of the factors is hope.

Wall Street greeted the news warmly. “We understand the product. We just don’t understand how it makes money,” said one fund manager. “But $965 billion is an enormous number, and that’s usually enough.” Investors confirmed they were ready to absorb a trillion-dollar valuation on the grounds of FOMO.

At press time, investors had agreed the company was worth nearly a trillion dollars, pending only the discovery of why.