Musk vs. Trump: Pre-Fight Commentary

One is a bombastic former (and current…thanks America…) president with a tan that defies the very laws of nature. The other is a tech billionaire who names his children after WiFi passwords and tanks social media platforms as a hobby.

Now, they’re set to step into the ring as Elon Musk and Donald Trump square up for what may be the most overhyped non-event in modern history: The Big Beautiful Brawl.

The conflict? Unclear. Possibly everything. Possibly nothing. Possibly the fact that there’s only room for one of these giant egos in a room at any one time.

Fans (or anyone who enjoys watching extremely rich men implode in public), are already lining up for the event!

“I can’t wait,” said Bryce, 33, a self-described veteran of the comment section trenches of Reddit, who’s been following both men obsessively since 2016. “One thinks he’s Iron Man, the other thinks he’s God. I’m just trying to figure out which episode of Black Mirror we’ve accidentally wandered into…”

Tickets to the event are expected to cost more than a modest house deposit — though early access will reportedly be granted to anyone banned from at least three social media platforms for “posting the truth,” “doing the research,” and bravely refusing to think like the sheeple.

We’re eagerly waiting to see how it all plays out here at PP. Will it be a debate, a dance-off, or a live-streamed meltdown? No one knows. But in this fragile world held together by memes, misinformation, and delusion, this might just be the main event we’ve been waiting for…  and almost certainly the one we deserve.