OpenAI announces announcement of upcoming announcement. investors excited.

Silicon Valley –  In a move that stunned nobody but still managed to raise the share price of several companies, OpenAI today confirmed that it will soon announce details about a future announcement, which itself will outline plans for an even more significant announcement at a later date.

Despite lacking any discernable information, investors reacted positively. “This is huge!” said an anonymous investor, “You can totally tell how big it is because they capitalised the word Announcement on the internal memo.”

OpenAI CEO Sam Altman said, “It’s always been a priority of mine to be direct and intentional about how we talk about what we’re thinking about talking about.” adding that transparency remains a core value.

Insiders suggest the eventual announcement could involve anything from a new model, to a new model of thinking, to a redefinition of what the word “model” means when used in a sentence with sufficient confidence. One leaked slide simply read: “Bigger than before. Different somehow.”

Employees inside OpenAI described the atmosphere inside the office. “You know something big is happening”, said one engineer, “You’re not really sure what it is, and management keeps telling you it’s ‘not a big deal’ even though they keep updating our terms & conditions every few minutes.”

Competitors rushed to respond. Google announced it would “accelerate its own announcement strategy,” Meta teased a “socially embodied announcement experience,” and a new startup launched promising “an AI platform capable of announcing announcements at scale.”

Industry insiders insist the strategy makes sense. “You can’t just drop an announcement anymore,” explained one brand consultant. “You have to warm people up. Tease the tease. Monetise the anticipation. Ideally, the actual content should arrive after everyone’s already formed an opinion.”

At press time, sources confirmed OpenAI was also “exploring the possibility” of announcing that it may, at some point, provide clarity.