OpenAI considers “responsible” AI Porn, but only if it’s boring

Big news for aficionados of adult entertainment, sommeliers of skin-flicks and connoisseurs of carnal cinema. OpenAI have announced their intention to allow AI porn creation!

There is of course a catch. 

The guidelines state that any excitement must not exceed the emotional high one experiences when accidentally opening a Terms & Conditions PDF.

Understanding AI Porn: The New Frontier in Adult Entertainment

“AI-generated erotica must uphold our community values,” a spokesperson for OpenAI said whilst nervously clutching a clipboard labeled DO NOT THINK ABOUT SEX. “That means consent, diversity, and at best, mild apathy.”

Rumour has it that the first film is already in the works featuring a 45-minute masterpiece featuring two consenting librarians who awkwardly make eye contact while filing overdue books. “It’s sensual, but in a way that could be screened during a TED Talk,” one developer explained.

Meanwhile, adult film industry professionals are reportedly not invited to contribute their expertise. “We thought we knew a thing or two about what turns people on,” said a veteran performer. “But apparently, our real-world experience pales in comparison to some AI thesis on the platonic intimacy of large language models.”

It looks like the future of AI erotica is going to be ethical, inoffensive, and absolutely incapable of producing anything resembling a climax. As one OpenAI insider put it, “We deal in software, and with our responsible AI porn policy, we’ll certainly be keeping things soft for the foreseeable future.”