Sam Altman set to trade mission & purpose for $150 Billion payday

Breaking news out of Silicon Valley this week that we’re soooo sure that nobody saw coming… Once celebrated as the visionary leader of a mission-driven nonprofit, Sam Altman is reportedly set to jam OpenAI’s altruistic nature straight into the shredder. 

After being accused of “concealing information” and “not being consistently candid” by directors Helen Toner and Tasha McCauley (how dare they!), Altman narrowly survived a boardroom coup and emerged victorious, consolidating power with a little help from Microsoft’s Satya Nadella.

After all, why should he have to be candid or transparent about an artificial intelligence that could one day destroy the human race when there’s a whole lot of dollars to be made??

Well now that the dust has settled on that particular boardroom brawl, Sam has decided to pursue a more “traditional” path for OpenAI… you know the sort of path that ends up with Billions of dollars in his bank account. And why not? Dominating the AI space doesn’t come cheap, and with a $150 billion valuation dangling just within reach, it turns out altruism doesn’t pay the bills quite like good old-fashioned market expansion.

What’s left of OpenAI’s original mission to “benefit humanity”, I hear you say? Oh, it’s still there… just buried beneath stock options, investor calls, and shareholder meetings. 

One thing’s for sure, the once-idealistic nonprofit is about to become much more familiar with filing IPO’s than academic research papers.