The unusual peace keepers

Sources confirm the White House has assembled what insiders are calling “the most experienced peace team ever constructed,” noting that between them the board’s five principal members have overseen an estimated 400,000 civilian deaths, three illegal invasions, two stolen elections, and one very active ICC arrest warrant.

“You can’t broker peace if you don’t understand war,” explained a senior administration official, gesturing at the lineup with visible pride. “And nobody understands war like the people who keep causing it.”