Trump inauguration boasts biggest crowd inside The Capitol Building… since January 6

Today’s Trump inauguration at the Capitol Building was graced with the largest crowd indoors since… well let’s just say it wasn’t that long ago. You remember January 6th right? If you don’t it’s likely you took a hammer to your own head to bludgeon the memories from your brain, so let us remind you. It was the day that modern history’s sorest losers decided to throw the biggest temper tantrum seen and crash a party they weren’t invited to.

But we’d best not forget why we’ve come all the way to Capitol Hill today. We’re here to celebrate freedom! The freedom for one man to commit and be convicted of a litany of crimes and then take the highest office in the land. This truly is the American dream on full glitzy, glamorous display.

Trump’s speech was a mix of grandiose promises and thinly veiled threats, delivered with all the warmth of a surprise medical insurance bill. The day’s highlights include major policies such as renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America and renaming Denali to Mount McKinley in honour of President McKinley’s great achievements like… uhhh implementing high tariffs, and annexing other countries. Is this all starting to sound a bit familiar?

There were some disappointments though. Attendees were a bit put out by the lack of horned hats and bear fur in the crowd this time around. The Q-anon shaman was nowhere to be seen, leaving many longing for those simpler days of riots, guns and fire. 

Ayhoo, today is certainly one to remember (might be time to dust off the ol’ brain hammer again…).