Washington endures blizzard of snowflakes as trump retreats indoors

There’s a freak storm approaching Washington D.C. this week! Weather experts are predicting a loud, exasperating and potentially violent blizzard that will doubtless wreak havoc upon the capital.

Meteorologists have never seen the likes of it, which they say was triggered by a freak concentration of thin-skinned snowflakes gathering in the area for some reason. These snowflakes have exhibited unusually fragile characteristics and have reportedly been melting at the first sight of fact-based inquiry. Further analysis shows that each snowflake appears unique with no two tantrums alike, yet all of them appear to be strangely full of hot air.

Witnesses report that many of the flakes are refusing to settle unless their specific grievances are validated. “It’s remarkable,” said one local. “The storm is demanding constant attention and if you so much as question its fragility, it intensifies!!”

The Trumpet’s reaction to this snowstorm has raised questions about his upcoming plans to acquire Greenland. “If he’s this shaken by a flurry in D.C. how does he expect to handle a place where subzero temperatures are normal in summer?!” quipped one climate expert. Local Greenlanders are apparently amused by The Tangerine Terror’s frigid fears, suggesting that he’ll need to ramp up his plans to accelerate global warming before he can set food on their land.

Scientists seem unable to agree on the storm’s long-term impact, however, with some speculating that the snowflakes are likely to melt away as soon as the spotlight dims, while others warn of recurring flurries for the foreseeable future, fueled by social media outrage. “The real danger is that these snowflakes thrive in environments where their grievances are amplified and validated.” said one expert.

Our forecast prediction? Continued flurries of outrage, with zero chance of introspection.