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The metaverse seems like a black hole for money… Meta alone has somehow spent $36 billion so far producing something with all the technological sophistication of a Tamagotchi.

So when Planet Crypto discovered that an anonymous hacker had infiltrated its code, we asked if it shed any light on why the metaverse is so underwhelming?

He told us, “I could immediately see why it’s so slow and basic – it’s actually written in Basic, the programming language. On a $35 Raspberry Pi. And it’s only using about 10% of what the Pi is capable of. Normally, deciphering code is like being Neo in The Matrix. It’s coming at you thick and fast, there’s digits, ASCII characters, an almost unfathomable number of mathematical plates spinning concurrently, and you’ve got to be in tune with all of it. But this is how metaverse starts:

10 LOAD “metaverse”

20 RUN “metaverse”

30 PRINT “Copyright Mark Zuckerberg 2022”

40 SET background colour blue

And it goes on like this as if it was written by a child in his bedroom in 1988. If the Metaverse was The Matrix, you would probably take a brown pill to enter it and the pill would be a suppository. I guess I’m saying it’s crap.”

The hacker was particularly scathing of the metaverse’s code for animating legs.

“You can leave comments to yourself in code. Where the lines to animate legs should be, it just says,

130 IF legs = 1, OR legs = 2, THEN ERROR 6.

140 Note – fix this later.

I can’t see how this is costing Meta $10 billion a year. It would be like asking a civil engineer to build a new sewerage system for New York and $10 billion later, she hands you a bucket.”

Planet Crypto asked Mark Zuckerberg for a response. He replied,

10 PRINT “The metaverse is cool”

20 GO TO 10