She’s the Bitcoin maximalist who runs the flagship ARK Invest fund, specialising in high-risk bets in emerging industries. And now Cathie Wood has agreed to share a day in her life with readers.

6am. Wake. Check my stocks. They’ve all gone down. A reassuring start to the day. The more they go down now, the more they will go up in future. Excellent – hopefully they’ll have dropped another 30% by lunch, to create further upside.

8am. Stop at the new latté place near work. The coffee is terrible, nobody likes it, and they’re struggling to stay afloat. Give them a $120 million investment and tell them not to change a thing. Smart. I’ve got in on the ground floor.

Midday. Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday. Philadelphia lost. This seems like an excellent time to buy up all the failed bets on Philadelphia winning… Spent my lunch hour buying up more losing bets from betters weirdly keen to sell them to me. Some take just cents in the dollar. If somehow the Philies are post-facto awarded last week’s Superbowl – these bets will be worth a fortune. I’ll have bagged myself a bargain. Gosh I’m clever.

3pm. Receive a tipoff that the SEC has Coinbase in its crosshairs and would like nothing more than to see it regulated out of existence. They say you’d have to be crazy to buy Coinbase shares right now. I buy more Coinbase shares.

4pm. The school day ends. Everybody is picking their up kids now. There’s no point in me collecting mine now – everyone’s doing it. I’ll wait for a time when ‘collecting-children-from-school’ is less popular. Like midnight.

8pm. Watch Netflix. It has such a breadth of wonderful shows and looks like a guaranteed winner. I sell my shares in Netflix.

10pm. One final check of prices before bed. Everything’s gone down. The perfect end to a perfect day.

Midnight. Wake up again to collect the kids the kids from school.