A report into online security in the crypto world has revealed that there’s a new crypto scam created every four minutes. Keen to investigate further, Planet Crypto talked to a representative of the Association of Smart Scammers.
PC:
First of all, may I point out that the initials of your name spell ‘ass’?
ASS:
Good, isn’t it? Establishes that we’re just a little bit naughty, little bit cheeky…
PC:
…a huge bit illegal. I mean, a new scam every four minutes. That’s not good, is it?
ASS:
No. It really isn’t. And I apologise for that.
PC:
I should hope so.
ASS:
And I want to assure everyone that pretty soon we’re hoping we can get up to five SPS.
PC:
SPS?
ASS:
Scams Per Second. And with one every four minutes currently, we’ve got a lot of honest toil ahead of us. Well, not ‘honest’ toil, but still.
PC:
You want to do even more scams?
ASS:
Of course! All the blockchains are getting quicker, and we’ve got to try and keep up. After all, we’ve got a terrible reputation to maintain. Only one scam every four minutes? That makes us practically the good guys!
PC:
But you’re scamming people!
ASS:
Yes. But not well enough. We’re falling behind. Not just technically, but morally. You saw what happened with Celsius Exchange: the management took their money out just days before filing for bankruptcy, leaving the customers ruined. That’s a proper scam, that is. And have you seen some of the crypto-currencies out there? They might as well be called things like ‘con-coin’ or ‘steal-ium’. Then there’s Do Kwon. Compared to him, we scammers are like the Dalai Lama crossed with Mother Teresa… but with better laptops.
PC:
You do make a worryingly good point. So perhaps we should end the interview before my moral universe collapses into one great big splodge of grey.
ASS:
That’s where the money is…
PC:
The Association of Smart Scammers, thank you very much.
ASS:
Please, call me Ass.
PC:
No.
