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This week, Vitalik Buterin tweeted a series of planned upgrades for the Ethereum network – and each stage has a name which rhymes with ‘Merge’. The stages will be The Scourge, The Verge, The Purge and The Splurge. Yes, really.

So far, the Merging has gone well… but what if things take a turn for the worst?

Planet Crypto suspects that Buterin will have a Plan B – and these stages, too, will have their own names..

  1. The Bleh-rge. This stage is when the software doesn’t do what Vitalik Buterin expects, and his investors get really, really angry and demand justice.
  • The Diverge(ion). Basically it’s a ‘Diversion.’ Except, it’s misspellt to allow a partial rhyme with ‘Merge.’  The Diverg-ion would be deployed by the Vitalik Buterin to try and distract angry investors.. while he makes his escape out of the backdoor.
  • The Emerge. This is when Vitalik emerges out of the backdoor of his offices looking for a place to hide from any pursuers.
  • The Berge. A ‘berge’ is a little-known word meaning ‘the bank of a river canal.’ This is where Vitalik will try and hide from the angry investors. He could have chosen other, less exposed hiding-places – but none of those places rhymes with the word ‘merge.’
  • The Submerge. The is the stage when Vitalik realises that his river-bank-‘berge’-hiding-place is too exposed, and he takes refuge in the canal itself. He will quite literally ‘submerge’ himself in the foul water, hoping that his pursuers will run past.
  • The Re-emerge. This is when Vitalik realizes he can only stay under the canal water for a limited period of time – due to the fact that he has lungs and not gills.  At this stage, he will be spotted by the vengeful investors.
  • The Converge. This when the lynch mob of investors group together, to drag Vitalik out of the water, and swarm fatally all-over the unfortunate, but doomed, Ethereum founder.
  • The Verge(r). If there are fatalities after a violent Converge – and no priest is available – a church official may be asked to read the Last Rites. Preferably a Verger.
  • The Dirge. This is the stage when investors realize that their reaction was excessive. And at a hastily arranged funeral, they express their regret at the violence by arranging for a lament… sung by…
  1. The Serge. Yes, Mr. Serge Gainsborg himself: the famous, dead, French singer will be contacted by Ouija board for one last gig. In addition to a lament, he will probably sing one of his inappropriate songs, like ‘Thank Heavens for Little Girls’ if he gets the urge.