New layer 1 blockchain Aptos launched recently, to major disappointment. The brainchild of several former Meta employees, it promised a new record speed of 160,000 transactions per second… but on its opening day it achieved just 4.
No, we haven’t missed off any zeroes, that really does say 4. That’s 4. In words, four. And in Latin, IV.
To find out what exactly has gone wrong, Planet Crypto caught up with one of the heads of Aptos, Mo Shaikh.
PC:
So, you promised 160,000 tps and you ended up with just 4. What went wrong?
MO SHAIKH:
Nothing’s gone wrong.
PC:
But you’re operating 40,000 times slower than you promised.
MO SHAIKH:
Only if you made the mistake of believing us in the first place. Plus, you know, do you start operating at full speed when you wake up?
PC:
Well… no. Not until I’ve had a coffee.
MO SHAIKH:
Exactly! And soon our system will get its own version of coffee when we plug in the 16k RAM Pack.
PC:
Sorry… you’re plugging in a 16k RAM pack? Which would imply you’re running the system on—
MO SHAIKH:
A ZX81, yes.
PC:
Why?
MO SHAIKH:
Because Susan in accounts is using the Spectrum to play Jet Set Willy.
PC:
Jet Set Willy?
MO SHAIKH:
It’s a game. Honestly.
PC:
No, sure. But why are you using such old technology?
MO SHAIKH:
Well, partly because we admire the simple, unencumbered elegance of the technology. But mostly because when we left Meta, Mark Zuckerberg took all our nice computers away from us. And he’s made sure no-one will let us buy any new ones.
PC:
That sounds in character for the vengeful robo-human prototype. But will you ever get to 160,000 tps with a ZX81?
MO SHAIKH:
Oh, yes. Especially once we can get the ‘r’, ‘f’ and ‘g’ working on the keyboard again. Jeff, one of our coders, spilt some yogurt on them, so they’re all sticky. Well, he says it was yogurt, but with Jeff you never really know…
PC:
Ugh.
MO SHAIKH:
Anyway, once we sort that and can get our dial up modem working, we’ll be zipping along nicely.
PC:
Sorry, dial up modem?
MO SHAIKH:
Yes, I’m afraid the carrier pigeons we started with just weren’t fast enough. Using them we were at minus 8 tps.
PC:
How did you get to minus 8?
MO SHAIKH:
The pigeons got hungry and kept pecking bits out of the hard drive.
PC:
So when do you think you might get up to your advertised speed?
MO SHAIKH:
Oh, maybe a week?
PC:
Really?
MO SHAIKH:
Yes… though given we’ve been out on our previous predictions by a factor of 40,000, don’t hold your breath.
PC:
Aptos, thank you very much for your time.
