Having a hard time at work? Struggling in a relationship? Got a leaky roof? …Whatever your problem: Ask Alex!!!
Yes, our new Agony Uncle – former CEO of collapsed Crypto-lender Celsius – is Alex Mashinsky!
Why ask Alex…? Well, in the space of one day in July, Alex was sued by the SEC, then the FTC, then the CTFC, then arrested for fraud. So if anyone knows what it’s like to have a bad day, it’s our Alex!
Darlene writes, “Dear Alex. My son refuses to go to school and is so disrespectful. I am worried for his future. What should I do?”
Alex replies, “You think you’ve got problems? I’m looking at three lawsuits and a jail sentence. You’re life’s a BREEZE, sister. Hope that’s given you some perspective.”
Hannah writes, “Dear Alex. I love my husband, but our sex life is non-existent. I’ve started fantasizing about a colleague at work. Should I ask him for a drink?”
Alex replies, “Oh boo hoo. I’m looking at a busy sex life in prison, whether I want it or not. I’d take your problems ANY DAY. Hope that’s given you some perspective.”
Chrissie writes, “I don’t want to keep my cat indoors all day, but when he’s out he kills wildlife and then…”
Alex replies, “Stop! Your cat? You want me to care about your f-ing cat?!? Come back to me when you’ve been served THREE LAWSUITS IN A DAY! Hope that’s given you some perspective.”
Mirka writes, “My husband has left. The house is in his name and he is telling lies about me to get custody of the kids. My Mom passed this year and I found out afterwards that I was adopted and she left everything to my sister. I have nothing. When will this pain end?”
Alex replies, “Having nothing sounds bad. But it’s infinitely better than THREE LAWSUITS AND JAILTIME. Hope that’s given you some perspective.”
If you’ve got a problem, write to Alex c/o Metropolitan Correctional Centre, New York, and he will write back using whichever biro he has been shanked with that day.
