View Daily Crypto Trends

British economy tanks!! King Charles to get cheapo coronation

The British economy has bombed, and millions are switching their pounds for Crypto. Now the Brits are broke, what will the new King Charles’ Coronation look like?

Before the crash: Charles would travel from Windsor Castle, in a The Gold State Coach, pulled by eight horses.

After: Charles will hitch a lift from a trucker at Reading Service station

Before: On arriving at Westminster Abbey, the King would walk solemnly down the red carpet:

After: At Westminster Abbey, he will scuff his way down some discount linoleum from Walmart.

Before: Then, he would sit on a gold throne, where he would solemnly swear the Coronation oath.

After: He will sit on a deck chair, where he will swear an oath: the word ‘F***.’ And he will swear this over and over, in the phrase: ‘Why did that f***ing Liz Truss lose all my country’s f***ing money? Even f***ing Boris f***ing Johnson was f***ing better than this stupid f***ing muppet.’

And the British people will solemnly repeat this oath, as they have been doing religiously for the past week, followed by the phrase ‘God Save Us All.’

Before: Then the King would be anointed with oil, made from orange, roses, cinnamon, musk and ambergris.

After: Charles will be anointed with chip fat donated from KFC.

Before: The King would be crowned with the St Edward’s Crown.

After: As the crown will be pawned to pay the National Debt, Charles will be crowned with a Burger King crown or a Macdonald’s Happy Hat.

Before: After receiving the orb and sceptre, Charles will be invested.

After: After receiving the orb (a Terry’s chocolate orange) and a sceptre (one of Prince Andrew’s old golf clubs), the King will then be invested. Hopefully this investment will not be made by the British Chancellor, as there’ll be 14% less of him by the end of the day.

Before: The Queen consort would be crowned with the King.

After: She will not be available for crowning, as she has volunteered to help toast the Pop Tarts for the Royal Banquet.

Before: The service would traditionally end with the King slowly driving past cheering crowds in a gilded carriage.

After: The King will leave Westminster Abbey and get stuck in traffic on the number 22 bus.

Before: Finally, the King would stand on the royal balcony to watch a fly-past by the Royal Air Force.

After: He’ll stand on a balcony and watch a paper aeroplane display.

As usual, the coronation WILL be witnessed by World Leaders. But this time, only low-budget low-rent world leaders will be invited. So British PM Liz Truss CAN expect an invitation.