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A bum with no savings has expressed sympathy for millionaires hit by the banking collapses.

“It must be very stressful knowing what to do with a disposable income”, said Bill Zaplenty. “I mean, what are your options? Put it in a bank that could go bust overnight? Put it in a stablecoin that isn’t stable? Or give it to Sam Bankman-Fried? What a choice. With today’s cavity wall insulation and well-placed floorboards, you can’t even hide it around the house. Makes me kind of grateful that I have enough to get by and not much more.”

Bill Zaplenty also expressed guilt at not knowing how to help folk cursed with cash. “I’d organise a fundraiser, but that would make their problem worse. I’d take the money from them but then it would be my problem. Seems cruel that the government make it illegal to burn money which would solve a lot of worry. Thanks to inflation, the government at least make it 6% less of a problem year-on-year, but it’s not enough. I’d suggest the government regulate the banks and cryptocurrency better, but that would be the least likely outcome of all.”

“The only advice I can think of is to do what I do when I have spare cash at the end of the month – put it in a slot machine and hope you’re lucky… by which I mean you don’t win the jackpot. Because finding a bank with an open branch that you can deposit cash in… well, that would be the most stressful thing of all.”