Until the merge, Ethereum’s co-founder Vitalik Buterin was just an ordinary, everyday weirdo.
But now the Merge is here, people are showing Ethereum more respect: as its new Proof-of-Stake system will reduce emissions by up to 99%.
And now Ethereum’s CEO Buterin wants to take his green initiative even further.
‘As a leader I want to set an example.
I make too many harmful gasses; for instance, my lungs create CO2.
So I am proposing to merge myself with a potted plant.
By exchanging my current respiratory system to one based chlorophyll and leaves I will produce MORE oxygen and absorb harmful gasses like Carbon Dioxide. Just like a Cheese Plant’
The new Buterin will tie himself to a garden cane: a fact he was keen to demonstrate, by waving that cane in a Proof of Stake.
Despite his commitment to the environment, his project has attracted vocal sceptics.
Detractors have pointed out that he faces looking ridiculous, as he will end up standing in a pot of compost.
Buterin is unconcerned, quipping, ‘Well I will look less stupid than I did at the EthDenver Ethereum conference when I wore Shibu Inu Pyjamas. Frankly, standing in mulch and phosphates will look heaps better.’
His new green respiratory system is an embarrassment to his rivals at Bitcoin.
Craig Allan White, who claims to have invented Bitcoin, has shown no interest in adopting photosynthesis.
It’s an unwise choice, as he may fall prey to the regulators.
Joe Biden this week has already hinted that the crypto industry may face regulation because of its impact on the environment.
‘The very least White could do is: switch his breathing from an exothermal to an endothermal system,’ tutted Biden. ‘I mean, he’s still anchored to the old catabolic process.’
When asked to comment, a tree in the Brazilian rainforest gently rustled.
