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After huffing, puffing and moaning about the US regulatory system, in the past week, Coinbase has stunned the world by launching a global exchange in the Bahamas.

But the optics of the move aren’t great, as it was the lax system of the Bahamas which permitted some of FTX’s dodgy practises.

‘Look, we’re not turning into FTX,’ say Coinbase CEO, Brian Armstrong. ‘FTX was run by Sam Bankman-Fried who had a sproingy Afro haircut. Whereas I’m totally bald. So the optics are totally different.’

‘Admittedly I have started to wear a sproingy afro-wig, with an elastic chinstrap. But that’s not because I’m emulating SBF. That’s because I am a fan of other afro wearers, like… er, Diana Ross and Jill Scott… Yes, yes, that’s it.’

The CEO was also keen to point out that Coinbase offered different services than FTX.

‘The products you’d have found in the FTX exchange differ from those you’ll find in Coinbase Exchange. Most of those products are hair products. You’d have found a lot of those in SBF’s office. In my office…? – not so much,’ continued Mr. Armstrong-Fried.