After a full three years of deliberation, the Federal judge in charge of Ripple Labs vs the SEC could only deliver a partial verdict, presumably because she couldn’t stay awake long enough to get through the excruciating paperwork.
With the case now set to progress to a full trial, U.S. citizens are going to extraordinary lengths to avoid what promises to be the longest, dullest jury service in history.
Planet Crypto spoke to some potential jury members:
“I’ve known boredom”, handyman Brad Schurr told us. “I’ve been in traction for 6 months, I once did a 72-hour airport layover, and I was brought up Mormon. But the thought of losing years of my life to arguments over what defines a security is more than I can bear. I’ve decided to abandon my home and live in the woods. If the mailman wants to deliver a jury summons, he’ll have to negotiate the trip wires first.”
Lifeguard, Malcolm Fisk, also felt driven to react. “As soon as I heard the news, I shot myself in the foot. I don’t know whether that’s enough to get out of jury duty, but I felt like I had to do something, you know? The alternative is unthinkable.”
“MY PLAN IS TO LISTEN TO HEAVY METAL NON-STOP”, said educator, DeShawn Ralston. “BY THE TIME THE CASE COMES TO TRIAL, I HOPE I’LL BE TOO DEAF TO TAKE PART.”
Meanwhile, hairdresser Marlene Reyes told Planet Crypto, “I found out that convicted felons can’t serve on a jury. So hand over your wallet. This is a robbery.”
Pastor, Robert Paisley, spoke to us from on-board a military aircraft. “I’ve joined the Wagner mercenary group”, he disclosed. “Hopefully I’ll be captured in Ukraine and spend the next few years in a dank PoW cell being starved, beaten and interrogated. Only then will I feel safe from the threat of listening to definitions of the Howey Test for years on end. God willing, he will spare me that horror.”
