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Amidst the many victims of the FTX crash, one of the most famous has been irony, which suffered a grievous attack in recent days.

The offence happened when Anthony Scaramucci, who as White House Director of Communications was the mouthpiece for fake-tanned fibber Donald trump, said ‘I would implore Sam Bankman-Fried to tell the truth’.

As irony collapsed to the ground in agony, the man who once obfuscated and lied on behalf of the world’s lying-est liar continued his assault on the much-loved literary device by saying that Bankman-Fried violated his trust ‘and needs to disclose everything’.

Scaramucci — whose name derives from ‘Scaramuccia’, the Italian commedia dell’arte character of an unscrupulous and unreliable servant, and is thus a stunning example of nominative determinism — appeared to not even notice the effect his words were having as irony lapsed into unconsciousness, stunned by this flurry of blows.

An ambulance was called, and irony was said to be recovering well in hospital until another attack seemed to kill it completely when Elon Musk was quoted as saying: ‘I met Sam Bankman-Fried… and he set off my bullshit detector.’

A doctor in attendance said: ‘we tried everything we could to revive irony… injections of Shakespeare and PG Wodehouse and a transfusion of entire episodes of Frasier… but in the end these twin attacks proved too much and we had to turn off the joke-support’.

Irony: 5,000BC-2022. May it rest in peace.