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SEC Chair Gensler to break into Ex-Students Homes and Regrade their Essays!

Gary Gensler is suspected of breaking into the homes of graduates he taught at MIT and re-grading their essays.

Between 2018 and 2021, Gensler led the ‘Blockchain and Money’ course at the prestigious Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where he lectured students that 70% of the crypto market, including Bitcoin, Ether, Litecoin and Bitcoin Cash were not securities. But since becoming Chair of the Securities and Exchange Commission, Gensler has insisted that only Bitcoin fails to qualify as a security.

Now in a bid to cover his hypocritical tracks, it seems Gensler has been breaking into the homes of his former students and re-marking their essays.

MIT grad, Calculus Smart, told Planet Crypto, “I was working late one evening when my doorbell app rang and there he was… Professor Gensler outside my home. He was wearing a black turtle neck which was ironic because we used to call him ‘Professor Turtle’ behind his back because he’s got this long neck and looks like a sad turtle that’s lost its shell…. Anyways, when he realised there was no-one in, I was amazed to see him smash a window and get inside. I rushed home and I must have disturbed him because he’d gone, but there on my desk were some of my old essays on how ETH qualified as a commodity. He’d crossed out the comment “Excellent work” that he’d written five years ago, and replaced it with, “Terrible! ETH is a SECURITY. I’ve told you that a thousand times.”

“The next day I contacted some of my peers from MIT and the exact same thing had happened to them. Professor Gensler had basically spent the night being the anti-Santa, breaking into the homes of good students and leaving them a nasty surprise. All except the guy who flunked the class five years ago because he could never remember what was a commodity and what wasn’t. He’s now Summa cum Laude.

When contacted by Planet Crypto, Gary Gensler was unavailable for comment as he was hiding under the bed of a former student that came home unexpectedly.