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Look out!!! It’s the Hamster Gangster Scamsters!

Betting crypto on hamster races at website has been the quirky craze of the summer for bored crypto degens.

A memecoin, HAMS, inevitably followed and, even more inevitably, mooned 783% in a day. So far, the story fits into the “you couldn’t make it up, so it must be true” category of genuine crypto happenings.

But today, those crypto degens woke to discover they had been the victim of an elaborate scam… orchestrated by the hamsters themselves.

Planet Crypto’s market correspondent, Andy Graf, explained, “These cute and furry rodents have pulled off one of the most audacious rug pulls of all time. Police who raided their abandoned office today found evidence of doping, race rigging, and insider trading. It was if they were in The Mafia. These Gangster Hamsters then pumped and dumped the HAMS coin, and disappeared, leaving thousands of coinholders rekt.”  

One such victim, Nate DeGenerate, lamented to Planet Crypto, “I’ve had my fingers burned by crypto before. I lost money to OneCoin, Squid Game Coin, Ethereum Max, you name it. But to be scammed by a bunch of hamsters is a new low. I’ve learned from experience to do due diligence and it seemed legit. The coin had a white paper. But it turned out they were shredding the paper to line their cages. It seemed a good sign that the website openly named the people behind the coin… they were Mr Whiskers and Professor Nibbles. With hindsight, I should have realised they were hamster names, but at the time they just sounded like upper-class British people.

“What annoys me is that the SEC did nothing to stop them. They should have learned from Sam Bankman-Fried that anyone hairy with fat cheeks is probably up to no good.

“Luckily, I’ve still got my Dogecoin, Shiba Inu, and Pepe which are all going to make me rich. Otherwise I’d be starting to lose faith in animal-based memecoins”, said the big dope.