Once again Jamie Dimon – the crypto-sceptic CEO of JPMorgan – has compared digital finance to a ‘pet rock.’ He did it in an interview for Fortune in December 2022, and he’s done it again this month in an interview for CNBC’s ‘Squawk Box.’

What IS his Obsession with pet rocks…? If he thinks ‘Pet Rocks’ are a ‘thing’ – one can only imagine what Jamie Dimon’s Pet Show look like..

“Hello – my name is Jamie Dimon – here at the National Rock Show – where the world’s leading pet-Igneous, Sedimentary and Metamorphic stones compete for the title of Best In Show.

Well, we’ve been putting these beautiful stones through their paces in the show-ring today…  in a series of exacting obedience tests.

The judges, of course, have been assessing these rocks on the way they move, their temperament, attitude and general performance.

And it’s been a very low scoring competition.

But we DO have a winner. So who took the Red, White and Blue Rosettes?

Well; let me talk you through the day’s action – In the obedience trials: All the rocks were asked to ‘sit’, ‘down’, ‘stand’ and ‘beg’. Most sat well – but the ball of marble was the only one which ‘fell down’ on command.. or rather it rolled off its podium. So IT took maximum points.

In the ‘Recall’ section, the rocks were told to wait, whilst their owners walked away, then called them. All the rocks waited and waited, and waited expertly. But none followed when called.  So the rocks did half of their commands very well; the other half – not so much. So ALL the rocks were scored five out of ten.

A mixed bag, too, in the ‘Heelwork.’ In this category, rocks are meant to walk close to one’s left leg, in a consistent position. Here the molten rocks – like flowing lava – were the only ones attempting to flow after their owners. But more disappointing were the sedimentary rocks like Limestone – which made no effort at all. In fact they even micro-moved away from their owners, as they were being eroded by the wind’s action.

But any gains made by the lava were lost in the temperament section. Most rocks were disciplined and well-behaved – EXCEPT the volatile rocks – like the flowing lava and the magma etc. –  which frankly were out of control. So minus points for them.

And then the rocks scored no points in any other category. In the ‘Scent’ category – Rocks were asked to find a cloth with a scent on it. Frankly, they were useless.

Similar in the ‘Retrieve.’ We threw a ball, and asked the rocks to fetch. None did. 0 out of 10.

Leaving marble as the clear winner.

Anyway – that’s all from me, I’m off to feed some Tanzanite a tin of Pedigree Chum and take some Gypsum for a walk.”