In May, Luna 1.0, the so-called ‘stablecoin’ whose value was supposed to be pegged to the US dollar, went into a death spiral, wiping out over $40 billion of holders’ funds and denting confidence in cryptocurrencies as a whole.
But speaking at a lavish party to celebrate his turnaround in fortunes, the founder of Terraform Labs beamed, “Luna lost 99.7% of its value in a week. In Luna 2.0’s first week, only 77%. That’s like 23% profit!”
It’s exactly that kind of financial acumen that devotees of Luna, known as Lunatics, have put so much faith in. Indeed, enthusiasm in Luna 2.0’s breakthrough performance was not limited to Terraform HQ. Twitter user “DotingDad” posted, “I lost everything when the original Luna crashed. I’ve been sick with worry how I am going to provide for my family. For the first time today, I felt well enough to possibly contemplate eating a biscuit. If the price of the Luna 2.0 tokens I was airdropped as compensation doesn’t go down any further, I may be able to afford one. Kwon’s a bona fide genius.”
Not content to rest on his laurels, the potato-faced whizzkid has ambitious plans to launch future iterations of the coin with even more impressive returns. “I don’t want to jinx it, but I think Luna 3.0 might only lose my clients 60% of their investment. Luna 4.0, maybe 50%. By Luna 32.0, we may reach a point where Luna makes a… what’s that word for the opposite of loss? I can’t remember, but that.” Experts, however, have warned that the notion of Luna turning a profit is so theoretical, it requires a level of quantum computing power not yet in existence. Though that hasn’t deterred Kwon – “Hey, I will pay for that computer. I just found out losses are tax deductible… I’m even richer than I thought!”
Displaying the kind of social conscience he is well known for, Kwon has also announced that he will devote some of his new-found wealth to philanthropy, funding 100 scholarships to underprivileged students in the developing world. 77 will be withdrawn from school after a week.
