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After the collapse of FTX, Matt Damon launched one of his most heartfelt apologies yet.

‘I’m really really sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. I don’t know what I did… What is it this time?

Damon, who has a history of disastrous crypto shills, almost certainly plugged FTX before it collapsed. But he can’t quite remember the details.

‘I mean, this FTX-thing went from a $32bn empire to nothing in the space of a week. It’s really REALLY garbage. Sounds like one of the things I shill.’

Damon who plugged during the ad break of the Superbowl, which subsequently fell by a squillion percent, continued,

‘…Was it that doggone-awful, awful long advert I made where I lived my own on Mars?… Was I shilling FTX in that?

When told that was probably thinking of the motion picture ‘The Martian’, Damon reacted with shock.

‘No? THAT was a movie?? Not a crypto-advert?… Was it? I can barely remember. Ha. I just remember it being garbage. Naturally assumed it was another bit of Crypto-Crap I did…. How about that thing I did with the Farrelly Brothers? That sucked. Where I was a conjoined twin with Greg Kinnear. That was SO dire, it must have been an ad for FTX..? …No?? …Funny that. Unlike the movie itself, of course…’

‘Anyhow, however I did it, I’m truly sorry.

‘And I also apologise for the Wall Street Crash back in the 1920s. That’s a ‘Classic Damon Shill’ if ever I saw one…. It wasn’t?  How come? ..oh that was before I was born apparently. That explains it.’