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Matt Damon’s financial tips

This week, Planet Crypto would like to welcome a new financial tipster! He’s the King Mid-Ass of Finance – He’s Hollywood Superstar, Matt Damon!!

PC: …Hi Matt. Thanks for joining us. Well this week, I guess we’d better talk about Ethereum’s ‘Merge’.

MD: …Look, before we start, I’d just like to say ‘I’m really sorry.’ I should have never endorsed it. My bad.

PC: Endorsed what?

MD: Ethereum. It was a bad investment. It’s dropped nearly 30% post-merge, and I’d like to apologise to all my fans.

PC: …Um. You didn’t endorse it..?

MD: Don’t be silly.

PC: You didn’t.

MD: WHAT??? But.. but I ALWAYS endorse crypto products just before they crash-and-burn??? It’s my ‘Thing.’ I’m King of the Brown-Chip Investment?? I mean when I shilled on the Superbowl commercials – it dropped 63%!

PC: Well you didn’t shill Ethereum.

MD: Are you sure..? I must have been shilling it on September 10th, when it was the top of its recent market?’

PC: No.

MD: (Dawning realization) Ha. Hahahaha. I get it, right? You’re punking me, yes? Ver-y Funn-y!!

PC: No.

MD: Next you’ll be telling me I didn’t shill LUNA, Voyager and 3AC.

PC: You didn’t.

MD: (Angrily kicking over chairs) WHAT??? I really need to get a new agent. These are exactly the kinds of shitty investment I should be endorsing.

I’ve lost millions of dollars by not-losing-my-fans-millions-of-dollars…

So who got the LUNA gig, hm? Who did endorse it? …Don’t tell me! It was Kim Kardashian! ..No?  …Or Reece Witherspoon? I bet it was Witherspoon – she always my best-Worst-Financial-Product-tips.   

PC: …Can we just ask you what your hot tip is for this week?

MD: Hey. Yeah. Right. Well this week, I’d like to recommend a prominent crypto lender called Celsius.

PC: Doh.