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In an impressive start to the year, gullible fools soared by a staggering 4000%, as they bought the new shitcoin BONK.

In difficult market conditions, analysts feared that investors would be wary of potential pump and dump schemes, but the shitcoin defied the odds by successfully minting a new generation of idiots.

Planet Crypto’s Pump and Dump Correspondent, Phil Yorboots, explained, “Gullible fools are the lifeblood of crypto. We rely on a healthy turnover of people who believe that shitcoins really will make them rich.

“Unfortunately, a lot of gullible fools were burned when Terra LUNA and FTT collapsed. So it was a welcome surprise when the crypto market minted a whole new set of gullible fools to give BONK a head start, so to speak. BONK went up nearly 3,300% in 10 days, and then plummeted 70% in the space of 36 hours to the surprise of no-one except the gullible fools who bought it.

What this shows however is that, in spite of all its travails in 2022, the basic underlying mechanism of crypto – parting gullible fools from their money – still works amazingly well. And that’s good news for everyone. Well, apart from gullible fools.”

Following the success of the BONK pump and dump, crypto has plans to peg the number of gullible fools needed to the number of new shitcoins needing them, creating a class of so-called StableFools. “This, of course, is the same flawed logic behind Terra LUNA being pegged to Terra USD”, explained Phil Yorboots. “And only a gullible fool would think that couldn’t happen again.”