At Christmas time, people often buy turkeys. And none is more expensive – and bigger – than Meta’s metaverse; the company’s specialist Division lost $3.67 billion last quarter. Which leads us onto our 8th Christmas Crypto Character: Mark Zuckerberg.
PC: Hi Mark, pleased to meet you.
MZ: Hi. I’m just a regular guy. Who likes wrestling with bears. And watching UFC. And Karate chopping through breeze blocks with my bare fists. Yeah? That’s what we guys do, right?
PC: Er. Maybe. Well, not really. Anyhoo, Mark, what do you want for Christmas?
MZ: $3.67 billion.
PC: Um. I’m not sure Santa’s budget extends that far.
MZ: Hey talking of presents. If you’re looking to give your friends and family a gift this Christmas Day, why not give them a Meta Pro Quest headset? Each?
In fact, why not give them one on Boxing Day too?
PC: I’ve already done my Xmas shopping.
MZ: Hell, as there are 12 days in Christmas, why not give them one every day?
PC: No thanks.
MZ: And in the New Year? One Meta Pro Quest headset every day for 365 days.
PC: Are you saying it’s difficult to get rid of Meta Pro Quest headsets?
MZ: Not at all. I’m saying it’s impossible to get rid of them. It could have been oh-so-different. I nearly a had a deal with Santa Claus this year. We had a meeting in November – and I suggested that if kids have been ‘nice’ this year, he could give them a Meta Pro Quest Headset… And he said, ‘HO HO HO HO.’
PC: That sounded encouraging…
MZ: Then Santa said, ‘and if they’ve been ‘naughty,’ I could give them two Meta Pro Quest headsets. HO HO HO HO HOHO HO.’
PC: Can we change the subject? How are you going to spend Christmas in the Zuckerberg family home?
MZ: It’ll be a traditional family Christmas. We’re going to gather round the tree, sing carols then sit down to a nice roast dinner.
PC: Turkey or goose?
MZ: Meta Pro Quest headset with cranberry sauce and sage and onion stuffing.
PC: You’re going to eat a headset??
MZ: You don’t have that tradition in your house..? Do you want to try it? I’ve got some here.
PC: No, no, I really don’t.
MZ: Tastes better than brussel sprouts?
PC: Stoppit.
MZ: Delicious with parsnips?
PC: No.
MZ: Onion gravy?
PC: Definitely not… Are you going to take ANY time off from trying to push Meta Pro Quest headsets this season?
MZ: Yes. In the New Year, I’m going to go somewhere peaceful where there aren’t any people, and I won’t be disturbed.
PC: So you’re spending it in the metaverse?
MZ: Absolutely. Because there’s no other effing users there. (Starts crying) It’ll be just like yesteryear. Particularly the graphics which are 1980s stylee.
PC: Do you want a tissue to dry your eyes.
MZ: No thanks. I’m going to use this Meta Pro Quest headset. It’s very absorbent. Do you want to try one?
