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At Christmas time, people often buy turkeys. And none is more expensive – and bigger – than Meta’s metaverse; the company’s specialist Division lost $3.67 billion last quarter. Which leads us onto our 8th Christmas Crypto Character: Mark Zuckerberg.

PC: Hi Mark, pleased to meet you.

MZ: Hi. I’m just a regular guy. Who likes wrestling with bears. And watching UFC. And Karate chopping through breeze blocks with my bare fists. Yeah? That’s what we guys do, right?

PC: Er. Maybe. Well, not really. Anyhoo, Mark, what do you want for Christmas?

MZ: $3.67 billion.

PC: Um. I’m not sure Santa’s budget extends that far.

MZ: Hey talking of presents. If you’re looking to give your friends and family a gift this Christmas Day, why not give them a Meta Pro Quest headset? Each?

In fact, why not give them one on Boxing Day too?

PC: I’ve already done my Xmas shopping.

MZ: Hell, as there are 12 days in Christmas, why not give them one every day?

PC: No thanks.

MZ: And in the New Year? One Meta Pro Quest headset every day for 365 days.

PC: Are you saying it’s difficult to get rid of Meta Pro Quest headsets?

MZ: Not at all. I’m saying it’s impossible to get rid of them. It could have been oh-so-different. I nearly a had a deal with Santa Claus this year. We had a meeting in November – and I suggested that if kids have been ‘nice’ this year, he could give them a Meta Pro Quest Headset… And he said, ‘HO HO HO HO.’

PC: That sounded encouraging…

MZ: Then Santa said, ‘and if they’ve been ‘naughty,’ I could give them two Meta Pro Quest headsets. HO HO HO HO HOHO HO.’

PC: Can we change the subject? How are you going to spend Christmas in the Zuckerberg family home?

MZ: It’ll be a traditional family Christmas. We’re going to gather round the tree, sing carols then sit down to a nice roast dinner.

PC: Turkey or goose?

MZ: Meta Pro Quest headset with cranberry sauce and sage and onion stuffing.

PC: You’re going to eat a headset??

MZ: You don’t have that tradition in your house..? Do you want to try it? I’ve got some here.

PC: No, no, I really don’t.

MZ: Tastes better than brussel sprouts?

PC: Stoppit.

MZ: Delicious with parsnips?

PC: No.

MZ: Onion gravy?

PC: Definitely not… Are you going to take ANY time off from trying to push Meta Pro Quest headsets this season?

MZ: Yes. In the New Year, I’m going to go somewhere peaceful where there aren’t any people, and I won’t be disturbed.

PC: So you’re spending it in the metaverse?

MZ: Absolutely. Because there’s no other effing users there. (Starts crying) It’ll be just like yesteryear. Particularly the graphics which are 1980s stylee.

PC: Do you want a tissue to dry your eyes.

MZ: No thanks. I’m going to use this Meta Pro Quest headset. It’s very absorbent. Do you want to try one?