Hi Guys, it’s friendly, mop-haired, shorts-wearing, crypto-genius Sam Bankman-Fried here! Now, I know people want to ask me a lot of questions – policemen, congressmen, that sort of thing – But instead of that – why don’t I ask YOU a lot of questions… with my very own light-hearted Christmas Quiz!

Let’s start off with everyone’s favourite… a Word Search.

Can you find and circle the following words or phrases in the grid below?

Simple Accounting Error

Sorry, I Screwed Up Bigtime

I Really Didn’t Mean To

My Fault Entirely

Please Don’t Sue Me

Likewise Don’t Put Me In Prison

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

Come On Give Me A Break Here

Changpeng Zhao Set Me Up

Oh Yes He Did – I’m The Good Guy

Until Recently They Loved me

Now I’ve Lost All Their Savings

..They Say I’m A Fraudster

I Said I’m Sorry Am I Forgiven?

No, really, I said I’m Sorry

Go On Let Me Off, Please Please

Egads! Was What I Did So Bad.

Really only lost a few billion

Really, That’s Not Much.

Let me Go.

Oh Come On! I’m a Philanthropist.

Right. Well You Can All Eff Off

Boo

Frickin’

Hoo

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F

Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? Not as much fun as I had running my fraudulent business from my Bahamas based sex-den, but still pretty good, eh?

So let’s move onto a multiple choice round!

QUESTION 1: What is Effective Altruism?

1. Giving money to worthy causes in a way that maximises human good
2. Useful cover for me stealing money in a way that maximises my bank account
3. Both of the above

ANSWER: C. Don’t let my shifty-shenanigans taint the whole EA movement! Some of those guys really are good. Probably.

QUESTION 2: Where do you think I’ll be this time next year?

1. In jail
2. Not in jail
3. Having Christmas drinks with all the rich and powerful people who helped me stay out of jail

ANSWER: Almost certainly C. And if not… I’m going to want a lot of bribes money back from a lot of people.

QUESTION 3: Why do I wear cargo shorts?

1. Because it’s hot in the Bahamas
2. Because it’s part of my edgy image
3. Because they have more pockets than normal trousers, all of which I can fill with my customers’ and investors’ money

ANSWER: Definitely just A. No, really, if you said C you’re really wrong.

QUESTION 4: Is the answer to the above shorts question actually C?

1. Yes.
2. Affirmative.
3. Good grief, of course it is.

Did everyone enjoy that? I know I did! Because I was playing video games and taking stimulants at the same time. In my Caribbean sex-palace.

Well, that’s the end of my Christmas Quiz! If any of you answered every question correctly, congratulations, you have won a cash prize! Which you will never get, because I’m keeping as much as I can for myself.

Happy Christmas everyone!