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Setting The Twitter Bird Free

After his takeover of Twitter was finally done, billionaire nut-job Elon Musk tweeted ‘the bird is freed…’

Presuming this is a reference to the Twitter logo rather than some prank he’s done where he’s released a chicken in space or something, Planet Crypto wondered what sort of bird twitter would turn into now Musk owns it. Here are our ornithological prognostications:

Will it be a dove of peace, signifying calm and reasonableness?

Maybe a friendly robin, bobbing around you in the garden of the online world?

A Mynah Bird which has learned to talk, offering interesting facts and well-thought-through opinions on matters of the day?

Or a peacock, spreading its beautiful tail feathers in a glorious display of pride, strength and avian nobility?

Yeah, right.

It’s far more likely to be:

An angry parrot, furiously squawking and shouting swearily at anyone who comes near it.

One of those manky pigeons with one foot, half its head burnt off and a bit of dried sick stuck to it beak.

A seagull. That’s it, just a plain seagull. Because they’re basically angry and evil.

A terrifying bird of prey, waiting to swoop down on anyone who dares come out into the open with an opinion disapproved of by the hive-mind, ripping and destroying.

A bearded vulture, picking over the carcass of unfortunate victims of an online pile-on, then taking the bones into the sky and dropping them onto rocks to get the very marrow from the inside, leaving just a hollow, broken husk behind.

The vile mythological Harpy, a dreadful chimera of human and vulture, its face gaunt with an insatiable hunger and incurable unhappiness, its body all angry feathers and vicious talons, shrilly yelling half-formed thoughts as it spews bile from one end and rancid shit from the other.

Yeah, that sounds more like it.

Though, ironically, given rumours of Elon Musk starting to charge for Twitter, the bird may not be free for much longer…