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It’s official! The Shanghai Upgrade is The Most Boring Upgrade since Ethereum’s Last Boring Upgrade.

Analysts predicted that ‘Shanghai’ would cause wild price fluctuations, as the network’s participants were allowed to withdraw their staked ETH for the first time.

Instead, nothing really happened. The price remained flat, and investors went ‘meh.’ Which is pretty much what happened during last September’s ‘Merge.’

And as Ethereum rapidly becomes the world’s dullest investment, boffins have seized upon it – as a cure for sleep deprivation.

Sleep Scientist Professor T. D. Oss said,

‘The established wisdom is that you should turn off all devices at least two hours before bedtime. But this is clearly wrong. Instead, you should TURN ON your iphones …and follow the Ethereum price. It is SO DULL, that it deadens the mind nicely in preparation for a good night’s rest. Frankly it makes Watching-Paint-Dry look like Being-Locked-In-A-Cage-With-A-Man-Eating-Tiger.’

But the Professor did carry some words of warning: ‘make sure you set your alarms in the morning – because Ethereum’s updates are so tedious you might easily sleep for 14 hours or more.’

He had this final recommendation for insomniacs: ‘Stop counting sheep. Just count Ethereum CEOs jumping over a gate. Just the mere mention of Vitalik Buterin jumping over a field’s hinged doorway makes me feel sleepy. In fact …ZZZZZZ.’