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Day 101 under house arrest.

I am SO annoyed with Apple. They say I can’t claim my FTX legal fees through Apple Care which is TOTALLY UNFAIR. I used one of their phones when I ran the business, so how is it not THEIR FAULT TOO?

Apple Care? Apple DON’T CARE, more like.

I’ve tried claiming through my car insurance, home insurance, director’s insurance, everything. I mean, what’s the point of taking an extended warranty on a washing machine if they won’t support you against multi-billion dollar fraud charges? I was WEARING CLOTHES AT THE TIME, what more do they want?

And why do I even have to pay my own legal fees anyway? I don’t even WANT to go to court! Surely the OTHER side should pay!

IT GETS WORSE. Now they say I’m also in trouble for paying $40 million to some Chinese officials to unlock frozen Alameda funds. It’s like they’ve got it TOTALLY IN FOR ME. I keep telling them it wasn’t a bribe, it was a TIP. Are manners illegal now? Maybe the next time I order a takeaway, I should say, “Sorry, dude, can’t tip you or I’ll spend a hundred years in jail.” They’ll totally get it. They’ll be like, “More power to you, brother, here’s some free prawn crackers for the fight.” I’m totally going to do that.

Gotta go. My phone is ringing. Hopefully that’s my medical plan calling me back to say they WILL pay my legal fees on account of my ingrowing toenail.