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The Bitcoin chart was greeted with frenzied excitement this week when a rare cross shape appeared in the charts… and Planet Crypto’s market analyst, Andy Graf, caught his breath long enough to explain: “Once in a blue moon, the line for the 50-Day Moving Average crosses the line for the 200-Day Moving Average. I bet you’re asking yourself: what does this MEAN??

“Well, Whenever this cross has appeared before, something major has always happened to the price.

Amongst the first few times it happened, the price went up a lot, people got very excited, and the pattern was dubbed the ‘GOLDEN CROSS’.

Also amongst those times, the price went down a lot, people got very depressed and it was dubbed the ‘DEATH CROSS’.

And then there were times when the price jump-jumped – and it was dubbed the KRISS KROSS in honour of the rapper’s song.

Dotted in-between those times, it ended up going up and going down then sideways, in different directions, and it was called ‘a MALTESE CROSS’.

Then there was also the time the price rose like a pastry in an oven, and people got hungry for the taste of success, and it was labelled the ‘HOT CROSS (Bun)’.

“Anyway, these clear precedents allow us to say with an unusual degree of certainty what will happen to Bitcoin next – it will either go up, or down, or stay roughly the same. And how often can we say that with confidence, right? Savvy investors should use this golden opportunity to buy. Or sell. Or hodl. You choose. But frankly, with this information at your fingertips, you’d have to be a fool to make the wrong move.”

Andy Graf concluded, “Of course, it could be that analysts like me are trying to impose meaning onto a pattern that has over time proven itself to be meaningless, but I can’t contemplate that right now. The dam has well and truly burst and I’m SO EXCITED I could wet myself! …I might have to go for a LEGS CROSS.”