WHO IS THE WINNER IN THE FTX CRISIS?

One Company Is Becoming Stinking Rich..

While the collapse of FTX has been a disaster for many, one business at least, has been enjoying a spectacular boom. Planet Crypto talked to its delighted CEO…

PC:

So… why has your company done so well out of the collapse of FTX?

CEO:

Because a lot of people now really hate Sam Bankman-Fried…

PC:

Fair enough.

CEO:

…and, to express their displeasure, they want to send him a turd in a box.

PC:

Sorry…what?

CEO:

It’s the ideal way to tell someone you hate them. Remember the slogan ‘say it with flowers’? Well, our slogan is ‘say it with faeces’.

PC:

You deliver boxes full of doo-doo?

CEO:

Thousands a day at the moment. Thanks, Sam! From all of us here at ‘Ordure To Order’.

PC:

That’s what you’re called?

CEO:

Yup. We were going to go with ‘Excrement Express’ or ‘Deliverpoo’, but they sound less than classy.

PC:

The whole thing sounds less than classy.

CEO:

Oh, don’t worry. It’s not human faeces. Purely animal.

PC:

Oh, well, that’s all fine then.

CEO:

You can order any sort you want, all priced according to size and consistency. Size-wise we go from hungry mouse all the way up to greedy elephant; and on the consistency side we start with dehydrated all-bran eater — nice and firm — and go through to curry and lager binger, which is… less firm.

PC:

I bet.

CEO:

Just pick the bodily waste you want and we’ll deliver it in a lovingly wrapped box, all tied up in a neat ribbon. Or you can go for our special service where we just throw it at the person concerned.

PC:

And you’ve currently got a lot of customers?

CEO:

We haven’t been this busy since Terra Luna collapsed and people wanted to effluent-drench Do Kwon. Trouble is, we still don’t know where he is, so we’ve got thousands of undelivered parcels stinking up our depot.

PC:

Isn’t this all a bit gross?

CEO:

Hey, at least we’re honest about peddling shit… unlike Sam Bankman-Fried and those other crypto crooks.

PC:

Fair point.