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The biggest names in crypto have been lining up to blast so-called “shitbanks” for having no utility.

Alex Mashinsky of Celsius scoffed, “Bank accounts are just gambling tokens. Too many Banks are get-rich-quick cons that deprive investors of their hard-earned money. Look at First Republic Bank.”

Dogecoin’s Billy Markus agreed, “I hate shitbanks. They’re a joke. I mean, what’s the point of having an account with Silvergate? You can’t pay for anything with it. It’s a complete waste of time.”

The founders of Squid Game Coin were equally scathing. “Most shitbanks are just a scam, unfortunately. Ones like Silicon Valley take your money and then when you want to do something with it, it’s no longer there. It’s a classic rug pull. They should be ashamed of themselves.”

“These awful shitbanks are too volatile to be a true store of value”, added Do Kwon of Terra Luna. “They could be steady one day then their shares are down 60% the next. Their business strategy seems to be based entirely on hubris.”

Meanwhile, Sam Bankman-Fried of FTX complained, “Shitbanks just bring down the reputation of a sector that’s already a bit like the Wild West. Look at Credit Suisse. It’s been found guilty in the past of tax fraud, sub-prime mortgage fraud, and aiding clients engaged in torture, drug trafficking and money laundering. But the regulators continue to encourage it. Thank God crypto is an ethical space where the bad actors are punished. Now if you’ll excuse me, under the terms of my house arrest I’m only supposed to use this phone for ordering takeaways.”