Article Type: Planet Crypto
FTX collapses then Terra Luna… is SBF to blame for everything?
US Federal Prosecutors are finally investigating muppet-haired Sam Bankman-Fried, and not just for the collapse of FTX …but, astonishingly, also for market manipulation that caused the Terra Luna crash. But can SBF really responsible for EVERYTHING that’s gone wrong?
TRUMP TRADING CARDs No. 2 The Tangerine Turnip
They’re the new Donald Trump NFT Collectibles! Which Superhero does he see himself as today…? ‘No. 2. The Tangerine Turnip.
SOLANA CLAIM 95% PRICE DROP IS LATE ‘BLACK FRIDAY DEAL’
Solana’s price has dropped by 95% this year… but it’s nothing to be alarmed about, claims Anatoly Yakovenko CEO of Solana.
Santa Upset At Length Of Crypto Naughty List
As we approach the end of 2022, plenty of people have been left dismayed, disappointed and dejected by the year’s crypto-events… and none more than noted red and white bringer of jollity, Santa Claus.
WHY I MISSED SBF’S FAILINGS’, SAYS BAHAMAS ATTORNEY-GENERAL
At a press conference this week, the flustered Attorney-General of the Bahamas, Ryan Pinder defended his country’s regulatory oversight of Sam Bankman-Fried and FTX.
BLACKBEARD THE PIRATE ACCUSES SBF OF ‘GOING TOO FAR’
There were furious scenes in the Bahamas today, as Blackbeard slammed Sam Bankman-Fried for damaging the reputation of the pirates.
SOLANA DOWNGRADED FROM ‘ETHEREUM KILLER’
After dropping over 95% in value in the past twelve months, Solana is no longer the threat to Ethereum that it once was. But CEO Anatoly Yakovenko, is still upbeat.
"THE METAVERSE IS GREAT!!!" SAY GRATEFUL PARENTS
One mother, Janice Relieved, said: ‘I just love the Metaverse! It’s such a ridiculously bad experience that my children are actually asking not to go on their screens for once.’
MAN ORDERS GIANT TURKEY …AND RECEIVES META’S METAVERSE
A disgruntled man from Oregon, was left visibly shaking, after ordering a giant turkey for Thanksgiving… and receiving Meta’s Metaverse.
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE GENSLER 2
Gary Gensler on fining 16 Wall Street firms $1.1 billion for record-keeping failures
What Else Could SBF stand for?
Sam Bankman-Fried… a man so famous — and now so infamous — he’s often known only by his initials, SBF.
FTX CRASH KILLS IRONY
Amidst the many victims of the FTX crash, one of the most famous has been irony, which suffered a grievous attack in recent days.
Do Kwon Thanks FTX: ‘You’ve made me look competent!’
Not long after FTX filed for bankruptcy, to our great surprise Planet Crypto received a call from noted on-the-run crypto-crim Do Kwon, who wanted to offer his thoughts on what’s been going on.
PASTRADAMUS: ELON MUSK
This week our Pastradamus is the World’s Richest Man. Who proves he’s not only rich in his pocket, but also in predictive powers
WHAT NEXT FOR SB-F? IT’S… SAM BANKMAN-FRIED CHICKEN
With his time in the crypto-world surely now over, frizzy-bonced-numpty Sam Bankman-Fried will be forced to look for an alternative career. In an exclusive report, Planet Crypto can reveal that he’s thinking of opening a restaurant — and we got a sneak peek at its menu.
THE LOST TWEETS OF DONALD TRUMP
Now Elon’s promising to relax censorship on Twitter, Donald Trump may get his account back. It’s been 22 months since the ex-President has sat on the John, tweeting his excrescence. So what gems have we been missing out on?
SAM BANKMAN-FRIED: “I TRIED TO WARN YOU.”
Sam Bankman-Fried has told Planet Crypto that he tried to warn us he was bad at finance.