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Binance, which has struggled with regulation authorities in many leading financial nations – such as Britain, Japan, Singapore and the USA – seems to have found a warm reception in the former Soviet State of Kazakhstan.

This week President Kassym-Zhomart Tokayev invited CEO Changpeng Zhao to advise them on crypto legislature, announcing, ‘this isn’t a desperate measure at all; Kazakhstan is a nation to be taken really seriously in the financial markets, and not a joke desperate to be taken seriously after the movie Borat.’

Planet Crypto flew to the capital, Nur Sultan, to witness the arrival of CZ and take a look at this misunderstood country ourselves.

We found ourselves in the Nursultan Nazabayev International Airport, which is a modern terminus with a water cooler and a nearly-clean toilet, where we were picked up the president’s First Deputy Chief of Staff Timur Suleimenov in his ministerial Datsun Cherry.

After giving us the traditional Kazakh greeting of ‘Jagshemash! My name-a Timur. I like you. I like sex. Is nice,’ he was quick to crush stereotypical Western perceptions of Kazakhstan.
‘The West has got the wrong idea about Kazakhstan.
‘Everybody think Kazakhstan is like Borat. But we are not like Borat. We are leading Crypto miners.
‘It’s niiice.’

Driving us into the city centre, and highlighting the city’s skyscrapers and digitally enhanced shacks, Suleimenov delighted in the country’s thriving economy: ‘Kazakhstan not like before. Now all Kazakhstanis have car which attract women with shave down below. Many car have a pussy magnet.’

‘Great success!’

Thanks to the new wealth introduced to the country by crypto-mining, Suleimenov could enthuse, ‘Kazakhstan is the greatest country in the world, All other countries are run by little girls. Kazakhstan is number one exporter of potassium. Other central Asian countries have inferior potassium.’

Zhao later arrived in a flurry of excitement. He was greeted by the Minister of Digital Development, Innovation, Carpentry and Sheds, Bagdat Musin.

To show how seriously Bagdat was taking the talks, the minister arrived dressed in the national Kazakh costume of a mankini. He then solemnly presented the Binance CEO a jar of gypsy tears to protect him from Covid.

Talks were intense, as the ministry had a lot riding on them. As one aide said, ‘Our country send us to Binance to make many digital-finance-currency. Please to Binance to use our crypto. If it not success, we will be execute.’

But it was all smiles at the end of several hours of negotiation. The Kazakh minister pronounced the summit a success, announcing: ‘I feel like American movie star Dirty Harold… High five! ‘

Borat was not available for comment. Although his sister Natalya, the number four prostitute in the whole of Kazakhstan, was available. For 0.025ETH.