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ELON MUSK’S DATING TIPS

Elon Musk has been pictured with his new girlfriend, 27-year-old Australian actress, Natasha Bassett. But what exactly attracts women to the 50-year-old billionaire?
Planet Crypto asked the father of 7* to share his tips for dating success…

“Firstly, if you’re going to have success on the dating scene – You have to stand out. Everyday billionaires all have a yacht and a suntan… But I’m the only one with a yacht and a skin as pale and waxy as a white tomato. Face it; I’m a head-turner.

Fun fact – the guys in the Tesla showroom buff my face with Turtle Wax every morning. Natasha loves it. She’s so dazzled by my glassy mush, I had to buy her some Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses.

Secondly, Ladies are affectionate creatures, so give plenty of touches and squeezes. You should have seen the smile on Natasha’s face when I gently took her hand.. and pressed the key fob to a new Tesla in it. You can’t buy happiness like that.

Three. Know what your lady likes. I go for shallow types – actors, rappers, Amber Heard – so the shiny face comes in really handy. They can check their reflection by staring at me.

Tip Number 4: Take it from a man called Musk – a manly scent drives the ladies wild. Showering just washes it away so I haven’t showered for a month. Once Natasha and I were stuck in the lift of my $30 million mansion in Bel Air. I asked her if she liked how I smell, and she loved it. She loved it so much, she had tears in her eyes.

Numero Cinquo: Ladies love a good sense of humour. I was telling Natasha how I tweeted a turd to the CEO of Twitter, and I called a cave diver a pedo, and she howled with laughter! She was laughing so much, she had to go into the Laboutin store and sit down.

Lastly. Pay compliments. Like when I told Natasha how great she looked in her new laboutins.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and write an important tweet calling Jackson Palmer ‘a tool’. Ciao.”

Planet Crypto – Thanks, Elon. Mystery solved.

*By 7, we mean the number of children he has, not that he has a child called 7. Not yet, anyway.