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Former Trump spin doctor to spin failing fund

Disaster this week for Legion Strategies, a hedge fund affiliated to Anthony Scaramucci’s Skybridge Capital – as Bloomberg reported that it was in financial trouble and is halting investor redemptions.

Scaramucci is of course, a former spin-doctor to Donald Trump.

Therefore the man who had to polish the-Turd-That-Was-The-Trump-Presidency now has to polish The-Turd-That-Is-Legion-Strategies.

But exactly how is he going to spin this one?

We found the following notes to a statement in Scaramucci’s garbage-can..

I have not seen the Bloomberg report. I have not read the Bloomberg report. But the report is – the word, I think is one of the greatest terms I’ve come up with – is fake.

Despite all the negative covfefe from the radical left media, Legion is the number one fund in all the funds. Everybody knows that. It won. No collusion, no obstruction. It won, Number One fund, everybody knows.

We have hundreds of millions of dollars here and I just want them to be recognised by the fake news media. Turn your cameras please and show the millions of dollars.

We are up BIG. But they are trying to talk down our finance.

Yes they are.

They used rigged bank statements from Pennsylvania, Michigan and Portland. Everybody knows. Everybody knows.

Statements which say we have no dollars.

Can’t let it happen.

And by the way, we are doing a recount of our assets in Wisconsin. And we have found enough finance, actually. Massive, massive finance. Far more than we need to be solvent, actually. The greatest finance in the history of this great nation.

In fact, I would bet if you took a poll as to who has the most finance we would win that poll by more than anybody’s ever won a poll. More than anybody won. Everybody knows.

And if something bad HAS happened.. then it’s Hilary Clinton’s fault. Crooked Hilary Clinton is the worst (and biggest) loser of all time. And if some funds have been lost, which they haven’t, then she has lost them all. She broke into our offices, lost the finance, lost it all, everybody knows.

So if anybody repeats the slander that Legion has been mismanaged, we will take the matter to the Supreme Court. Yes we will.

We will take the matter to the Supreme Court, by bursting through security in fur hats with bison horns and occupying the building until the judges agree..

God bless you and God help America.