Despite the 2021 bitcoin mining ban, China still accounts for a fifth of the network’s hash rate, according to the Cambridge Digital Assets Programme.
PC spoke exclusively to Emperor Xi for his explanation in this exclusive interview…
PC -Your excellency – thank you for speaking to Planet Crypto. Could you please explain why the country of China continues to mine Bitcoin, even though you have expressly banned it?
XJ: China does not mine Bitcoin.
PC: Then what explains it?
XJ: A faulty toaster outside of Beijing.
PC: You’re saying 204,724,957,699,640,400,000 million hashes per second have been traced down to a faulty toaster outside of Beijing?
XJ: Yes.
PC: It must be very faulty.
XJ: Very faulty. Yes.
PC: So why don’t you fix the toaster?
XJ: It’s not just the toaster that is burning all this energy..
PC: Ah.
XJ: Everyone knows, that at half-time during a major sporting fixture there is always a spike in energy consumption - because people use the break to make a cup of tea. And the accumulation of kettles being turned on at all at the same time causes huge demands on the national grid. It’s the same in China. The spike in energy consumption is because it’s half-time in our Superbowl.
PC: Um. But this phenomenally large hash rate has recorded over a year?
XJ: Half-time in the Chinese Superbowl lasts much longer than in other countries. Half-time here started in May 2021 and is still going on.
PC: So you’re saying that it’s pure coincidence that half-time in the Chinese Superbowl was at exactly the same time as when the Bitcoin-mining ban was implemented?
XJ: Yes. Because China does not mine Bitcoin.
PC: And how can you be so sure?
XJ: At any signs of Bitcoin mining, we lockdown the entire country and test everybody three times a day for symptoms of Bitcoin mining. Even though nobody here does it. Or has ever done it. And those who have done it, we board up them in their houses, until they either die or stop showing symptoms of Bitcoin mining.
PC: So what would you say to anyone found Bitcoin mining?
XJ: We have built a 10,000 inmate gaol for Bitcoin miners. Which is empty. Because there aren’t any Bitcoin miners.
PC: Your Excellency, thank you very much. And goodbye.
XJ: I am not thanking you. Because this interview didn’t happen. Because My Excellency Xi does not give interviews. So not thank you very much. Not goodbye. No.
