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Now Elon’s promising to relax censorship on Twitter, Donald Trump may get his account back. It’s been 22 months since the ex-President has sat on the John, tweeting his excrescence. So what gems have we been missing out on?

Here are… The Lost Tweets of Donald Trump.

“The Donald here. Yes, the Donald, the one they tried to ban. They did try ban us, they did.

Because my ideas were too good; they tried to ban us; too good ideas, everybody knows. Better than anybody else’s, actually – everybody knows. Single most goodest ideas, ever, Everybody knows.

Particularly in science. So much invention – so much inspiration – the Fake Social Media would ban from the world. We all know that. We do.

Before they closed my account, I came up with the brilliant idea of curing Covid by drinking bleach?

Remember that? Everybody remembers that. Everybody does. We remember that. 

Now I have a new invention, it’s a brilliant invention, actually. Quite brilliant. It’s this: If you get Covid you can kill the symptoms by drinking a bucket of arsenic. Arsenic, yes. Guaranteed to kill the virus, actually. Yes.

And it’ll stop the spread – because you’ll automatically be socially distancing by being six feet under the ground.

Single best idea, everybody knows.

I should have been a scientist. Did I tell you I should have been a scientist? If I had been a scientist I would have been the best scientist that ever lived. Better than Einstein. Better than Eddison. Better than Bill Nye the OG Science Guy. Everybody knows. Best scientist: everybody knows.

But the fake news media won’t let me Tweet that:  SAD.

Everybody knows.

So here’s my Tweet: “Drink Arsenic. Don’t be SAD.”’