‘I WANTED THEM TO LIQUIDATE SAM BANKMAN-FRIED INSTEAD.’

So this week, the man who is definitely NOT-a- Bond-Villian – Binance CEO Changpeng Zhao – was fuming after FTX’s Sam Bankman-Fried suggested Crypto regulation.

In an apparently vindictive response, CZ’s Binance liquidated all its holdings in Sam Bankman-Fried’s FTX.

But serial-regulator-dodger CZ is still not happy.

‘This is not what I asked for. I asked for Sam Bankman-Fried to be liquidated.

I even cackled evilly and stroked the white cat on my lap. And said:

“I expect Mr Bankman-Fried to be… (pause for dramatic effect) …liquidated….. HAHAHAHA!!

But my stupid henchmen… sorry, my minions – NO! Not minions! …er, my stormtroopers?.. no, not them, my, erm – asset managers – yes, that’s it – my asset managers – got it wrong. And just sold some silly tokens.

‘What does Number One – sorry, what does my “Head Asset Manager” – think I bought my diamond-powered laser for?

‘It’s just gathering dust in the basement. Gah.’

It’s not the first time CZ’s Right-Hand-men got commands wrong.

‘We only bought FTX in the first place, because my henchm- er, ASSET MANAGERS – misunderstood a previous instruction.

‘Then, I said I enjoyed the thought of roasting Central Bankers on a spit, saying: “I like my Bankmen fried.” The stupid minions – no, No, NOT minions! …er, “Asset Managers” – misheard me; thought I said ‘I like Bankman-Fried’ and ended up buying 22,999,999 FTT.

‘So instead of them immolating the SEC, they made Sam Bankman-Fried rich.

‘Curses.

‘I might have to throw a few of my footsoldiers – I mean “Asset Managers” – into my piranha pool – that might sharpen their game up.’

Ernst Stavro Blofeld was unavailable for comment.